i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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