literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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