idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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