you guys were way drunker than both of me
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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