he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
