it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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