Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
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Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
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My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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