you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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