Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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