I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
