her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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