good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
