please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
And then he peed in my hair
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