I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
