ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
