Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
now i know why i became what i already was.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
