shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
