My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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