I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize