I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
