I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
