Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
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so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
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You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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