She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Randomize
