we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
