dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
