we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
