We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Pants are for mortals
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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