i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
