yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
