i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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