So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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