he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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