She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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