well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
