I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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