I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
