i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
