he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
