Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
