i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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