So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
