you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
