Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
