I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
