I could make wine with my vomit
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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