Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
