Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
