a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think a kid would responsible me up
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
