Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
