his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
