Me too!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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