if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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