she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
