My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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