conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
