You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
