Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
