I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
