So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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