If i come over, it means nothing
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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