Texts From Last Night

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  (804): View more from Virginia

  im drinking this country out of the recession.

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  (804): im drinking this country out of the recession. http://tfl.nu/s99f
  Replies (23) Good night (2202) Bad night (559)
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  (845): View more from New York

  oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.

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  (845): oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call. http://tfl.nu/l86s
  Replies (13) Good night (735) Bad night (2391)
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  (619): View more from California

  he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?

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  (619): he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear? http://tfl.nu/9u5k
  Replies (111) Good night (1486) Bad night (5567)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.

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  (419): The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song. http://tfl.nu/rv8e
  Replies (38) Good night (9149) Bad night (1344)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.

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  (843): When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done. http://tfl.nu/np50
  Replies (11) Good night (5416) Bad night (891)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know

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  (216): Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know http://tfl.nu/zyp8
  Replies (25) Good night (1114) Bad night (5267)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.

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  (716): I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here. http://tfl.nu/pkc7
  Replies (9) Good night (2464) Bad night (1735)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.

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  (732): He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year. http://tfl.nu/lez5
  Replies (27) Good night (3176) Bad night (1268)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?

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  (732): He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it? http://tfl.nu/l4jt
  Replies (13) Good night (2492) Bad night (1350)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.

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  (501): Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money. http://tfl.nu/efs0
  Replies (5) Good night (2361) Bad night (788)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.

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  (253): I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE. http://tfl.nu/sorm
  Replies (7) Good night (1743) Bad night (587)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him

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  (514): please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him http://tfl.nu/t57p
  Replies (5) Good night (1009) Bad night (643)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.

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  (435): Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus. http://tfl.nu/v0t7
  Replies (6) Good night (557) Bad night (404)
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  (209): View more from California

  Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?

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  (209): Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery? http://tfl.nu/cvq8
  Replies (8) Good night (515) Bad night (324)
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  (914): View more from New York

  All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me

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  (914): All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me http://tfl.nu/g4wr
  Replies (6) Good night (748) Bad night (289)

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