Texts From Last Night

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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.

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  (270): So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/0mbm
  Replies (20) Good night (5323) Bad night (827)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.

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  (314): I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it. http://tfl.nu/3rlt
  Replies (12) Good night (991) Bad night (5796)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward

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  (757): i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward http://tfl.nu/7d4o
  Replies (9) Good night (3547) Bad night (1143)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...

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  (617): And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not... http://tfl.nu/7o3n
  Replies (13) Good night (1101) Bad night (3683)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.

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  (920): just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch. http://tfl.nu/t841
  Replies (5) Good night (5723) Bad night (1122)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.

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  (414): Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests. http://tfl.nu/dptn
  Replies (12) Good night (4337) Bad night (1020)
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  (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes

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  (+31): Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes http://tfl.nu/ymlt
  Replies (6) Good night (1040) Bad night (3784)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.

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  (630): What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday. http://tfl.nu/1egp
  Replies (4) Good night (1689) Bad night (672)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby

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  (812): I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby http://tfl.nu/u8rx
  Replies (10) Good night (1126) Bad night (1872)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra

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  (719): There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra http://tfl.nu/4qki
  Replies (2) Good night (1275) Bad night (567)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.

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  (414): What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess. http://tfl.nu/j346
  Replies (3) Good night (486) Bad night (1036)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.

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  (404): Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up. http://tfl.nu/ge7g
  Replies (5) Good night (542) Bad night (918)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?

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  (817): I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help? http://tfl.nu/m7i3
  Replies (2) Good night (1068) Bad night (360)
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  (347): View more from New York

  That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.

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  (347): That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where. http://tfl.nu/6uae
  Replies (11) Good night (768) Bad night (473)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.

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  (954): You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one. http://tfl.nu/l0kb
  Replies (4) Good night (423) Bad night (843)

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