I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.