I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!