thus making me awesome and them whores
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
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