hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
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She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
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I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"