I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
