I think I am morally bankrupt
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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