these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
