Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
